Posted in Claire's Cool Compositions

Claire vs The Mattress

My mattress has been messed up for about a month. The squishy thingy that makes it so i feel like I’m sleeping on a cloud had been gradually moving to my left, falling off the bed bit by bit.

Today, I decided it was time to fix it. So at 5:50, i announced to the world via snapchat that I, Claire, was going to fix her mattress. This is important because this means I couldn’t give up, I told my friends I was going to fix this mattress and dammit I was going to stick to my word.

I start by clearing my bed of all pillows, blankets, pandas, and elephants. I then, with many grunts, pulled my mattress off the spring-board.

That is when I realized…mattress are heavy.

Like….heavy. Too heavy for me.

So, after fixing the sheets, smoothing out the wrinkles and stuff like that, I prop the mattress up at an angle to make it up the 7 foot journey to the spring-board again.

Except there was one problem…

THERE WAS A F*CKING CEILING IN THE WAY!

Every time I lifted from my knees to push the mattress onto the bed, it wouldn’t go horizontal like I willed it too in my brain. It went up, into the ceiling. I hate that ceiling….I strongly dislike that ceiling.

I flip the mattress over and try to lift it over my head and kind of…place it on the spring-board. That idea was quickly scratched when I could get it past my knees.

The mattress seemed to really not want to go back up on the spring-board. Maybe it had a fear of height??

I debated just leaving it on the floor that night and have my parents do it when I came back.

But then I realized…that would be quitting and I don’t quit. I don’t give up, I don’t lay on the floor and wait for someone to fix it…I mean this metaphorically, because this has literally happened once or twice.

I couldn’t lift it.

I couldn’t force it.

I couldn’t magic the shiz nit out of it.

I was left with only one option…

Engineer this sh*t.

In each of our dorm rooms there are two horrible, uncomfortable, gross looking chairs that rock back and forth a bit. I put the chair against the door leading into the bathroom, the mattress was on the floor in front of it.

I pulled the front end of the mattress up and twisted it so the edge would rest on the chair.

I then used ALL, and I mean all, my strength to lift the mattress up into the air, until it was a few inches away from the ceiling.

Kicking the chair sideways really hurt, because I was shoeless, but I did it anyway until the chair was parallel to the spring-board. I then slowly scooted the chair forward until the mattress was at an angle. One end on the chair and the other on the edge of the spring-board.

I got behind the chair, which was a very tight fit by the way, and pushed the mattress at an angle, not just up, until it fell gracefully onto the spring-board.

If Mickey wasn’t asleep I would have done a victory scream.

The rest was pretty easy, putting the sheets back on and throwing my pillows and panda back up where they belong.

I finished this task at 6:20. It took me half an hour to put my mattress back on the bed. And this is the best thing I’ve done all week!

And Mickey did not wake up, so I label this under the folder: Success.

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